To be honest, things haven't been great...
And I know it's been a while since we've talked last.
I don't know whether I'm coming or going sometimes.
Everything seems to be going by me so fast!
My life seemed to be going great and steady
when we talked on a regular occurrence.
Made accomplishments and had successes...
now my mind seems to be my only disturbance.
You're looking down upon me so you can see,
how beautifully God has laid down plans for me.
So why do I feel so rotten, long lost, and forgotten?
And truly feel like I belong at rock bottom and...
Why do I feel like I've given away all the love
that my soul was gifted from God's gracious hands above?
Why does my soul feel bruised from being mentally and emotionally abused?
All those times I thought I was confused.
Is it because my soul was giving so much from heart?
That it started thriving on the souls closest, silently tearing us apart?
I started spending more time secretly crying deeply in the dark.
Now I've cleaned my soul so it's time for a new start.
Thus the reason why I am writing you...this "First step in reaching out"...letter.
I know you will speak to me somehow soon...
and then things will begin to become...better.
I'm tired...I feel lost...I...I don't know where to begin again.
Am I wrong to have loved so strongly?
to let them feel that I must ALWAYS be there... for them?
Or is it a natural trait that's embedded deep within?
The family's blood is mixed in me.
I thank you and God for my trials and tribulations,
for they've made me the man I've come to be.
I know I'll never be close to being perfect,
but I deserve to do my best.
I know that speaking to you on a more often basis,
will get my my mind out of this complicated mess.
You know what I need to hear.
You know what needs to be said.
You know what I need to do to clear my unclear head.
You understand my intended direction.
My desire to have what I need and what I want.
You know that I'm not interested in the enticing things the devil flaunts.
You always stood by my side.
You were always there when I needed to fight.
You had my back and you were down whether I was wrong or right.
Then you took me to the side.
and carefully told me how I was right and then wrong.
That it wasn't for what I was singing about,
but how I ended my song.
But at some point I neglected to listen.
I thought that I knew what was best.
I thought I could do it all by myself without taking the time to rest.
But now I can't even sleep at nights.
My thoughts won't let me be.
My contemplations and visions seem to be taking over me.
My body seems so tired now.
Sometimes I feel I can't go on.
Sometimes I feel the battles I'm fighting can't possibly be won.
I don't understand my desires anymore.
I know not nor understand what they are.
I fear I can't move forward in life...
...and death seems so far.
I want to know and understand my purpose here.
I want to understand my mile a minute mind.
I want to know that things can be done successfully
with the things that relentlessly visit my mind.
I've cried more than I care to share.
I've cleansed my troubled soul.
I've bettered my ways of living so I can graciously grow old.
I know my heart is a loving one.
I pray it will never fail me.
I know my heart is loving people the way they're meant to be.
But "let me understand you something special",
"Let me learn you a thing or two"
My love for people would have never grown without you.
You've made me the loving man I am.
You taught me the good and bad ways of respect.
That's something that most people today don't expect.
It's a rare commodity these glory-filled narcissistic days.
It's something lost in translation,
and hardly taught or understood in this x-rated generation.
The simplicities you taught me.
On how to show unconditional concern and love.
Has given me insights on the wonderfulness of He above.
And although you are no longer with us.
Although you have left us all here.
Your every essence, spirit, and presence always...always feels near.
I hope this letter reaches you.
I hope to soon hear your sound.
After hearing from you I know I'm success bound.
And when I get to where I am going.
When I'm finally where I'm destined to be.
I'll never forget where I came from and how much you both mean to me.
My soul will forever love.
And my spirit will never hate.
For now I know God's word IS 'Love'...
and to love IS my destiny and fate.
From Your Grandson.
(Author prefers to be anonymous)